Roadblock

There has been something I have been struggling with for a while now in terms of moving forward with what happened with me and Ervin. How can Ervin and I move past what happened if he keeps bringing the past with him? I love Ervin, and I want to be friends with him, but he also feels like he needs to have that guy in his life. I don't think he understands that having "A" would be very difficult in trying to rebuild, or establish a friendship with me. How can there be a possibility of me and Ervin working things out if "A" is there lingering in the background? It would always be in the back of my mind if he keeps stringing him along. I remember asking Ervin to give up "A" for the sake of our friendship. And I said I'd wait for him to make a decision. It's been a while now since I asked him to make that decision, and he hasn't. It just tells me that what he and "A" had was much more than an encounter. It tells me that what me and Ervin had wasn't as special as I thought it was.

Kristian told me that Ervin is using the same excuses, the same reasons as he did when things fell apart between us. Ervin's not going to stop because he doesn't want to and that I shouldn't have a say with who Ervin can be friends with. Well to be honest, "A" became more than a friend. He is not just a friend anymore when Ervin crossed that line. There is a reason why "A" is different. They met when me and Ervin were still together. What is this "A" have that got Ervin so sprung? He's only met him in person twice (at least from what Ervin has told me). Kristian told me that Ervin is trying to have it both ways and to me that's being selfish. And for someone who's trying to work on himself on not trying to be selfish... I'd say this first step is heading towards failure.

If Ervin is willing to risk losing me, our friendship or whatever we may have just for that "A" guy then I have to make a decision. It's so unfair because once again, Ervin is forcing me to make the decision for him. And honestly... I think I have a 90% chance of losing this one.