So Close

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew

Drama-Rama

One simply does not get pulled into drama, but the actions one takes may lead one right into it.

I know my reasons and words will fall on deaf ears.

The decisions we make and the risks we take comes with compensations and consequences.
Why do you care now when you did not care for it before?

Pins And Needles

Yes you say I'm your friend. And you're glad that we are friends. That's usually what one say to a friend who has romantic sentiments to keep him at arms length.

Behind the smiles and the laughter, truth of the matter is it still hurts to see you move forward.

Yes. I want you to be happy. But at the cost of my own heart.

There's no use following the heartache that leads me back to you.

The Friend Zone

How many times does one need say that he's glad that you're his friend when he knows you have romantic feelings for him?

Famous lines:

I'm glad we're friends.
I'm so happy that you're my friend. It means a lot to me.
We're friends, right?

I GOT IT!

Being in the friend zone sucks.

Long Day At Disneyland

I just got back from Disneyland. It was an interesting day of confusion and clarity. The guy I liked came with us. Felt like old times. It made me wonder if all my feelings for him were still there. It was great for awhile. Then BOOM!!! He's dating someone.

The guy hes talking to came and joined us.

... ... ... I was kinda sad at first but theres no room for sadness at the happiest place on earth.

He holds my hand. ... ... He holds his.
He holds my hand... ... He holds his.
He hugs me... .... ... He hugs him.

Seeing him and his date interact was a bit painful but I can really tell that the guy likes him. Even though he straights out denies it and claims that they are just friends. I can see this guy falling for the guy I liked in the same exact way that I did a few months ago. Seeing this all unravel in front of my eyes was hard to witness, but it was necessary for me to realize and reach a certain point of clarity. That the guy I liked also liked this guy he's dating. And he looked happy.

At this point I really just want him to be happy even if it's not with me. They say that the perfect act of love is sacrifice. And if I have to sacrifice my feelings for this guy just so that he can be happy. Then I would do it.

At the end of the day, Im back to where I was when I first started. I am at peace with myself. My feelings for this guy will undoubtedly linger for a while. But there really was no point in me pursuing. I just hope he's happy.

And with that said... I now know that I have to find my own happiness, perhaps it's with someone else or maybe just be at peace with being single for awhile. Either way this chapter of an unrequited love story needs to close.

Good night.

Annoyed!

KRISTIAN! You annoy me. The end.

I Cant Make You Love Me

Just like the famous song, I learned a long time ago that you cant make someone love you if they dont. Theres no point in trying because its impossible.The only thing you can do is just let it go. Let it be. And wish them luck. Because you deserve someone better. Someone that will love you for you.

A New Day

Sometimes its better to square things off than to leave things unsettled. Each experience, even if its bad, gives us something to learn and grow on. I am at a good place now. I am at peace with myself and what I did. I learned my lesson. I regret nothing. Moving forward and no looking back. Today is a good day.

On A Positive Note...

Today I officially lost 25lbs since January. Thats the only thing thats keeping me motivated right now. To be hot. So I can say... SUX FOR YOU CUZ U COULDA HAD ALLLLLL DISSSSSS GOOODNESSSSSS!!!!! Haha

Back To Basics: Reboot!

Wow! So I havent been blogging for more than a year now. Well alot has happened. Lets start with this year.

So I met this guy. He was really cool and awesome. He became a very good friend of mine. Over time my feelings grew for him. It was great, but it was also confusing. Just because I was with someone already. (But that relationship was a sinking ship waiting to go under... it was just a matter of time.)

So I fell for this guy. Simply because I saw something in him that I thought was genuine and true. Something I once was: a hopeless romantic. A part of myself that I had lost 2 years ago. And he brought that back for me. And I became that hopeless romantic again. I would have tried to do anything for this guy. (But I was still with someone.)

A few months have passed and the ship I was in went under. It was inevitable. We settled our differences and went our own separate ways. We remained good friends...

A few days of grieving I have to come to terms with the fact that I was yet again... single.

Hopeful... I have a brand new chance to start over. I have the courage and strength to finally and openly confess my true feelings for the guy whove become my best friend during the past few months.

Nervous. Sweaty palms. Heart beating. "I like you. And I think I always have ever since we first met."

Silence.

The guy who I thought could have been my new beginning... the guy that I fell for in the last few months suddenly backed away pushed me away.

"It's all so complicated", he says. "I don't feel the same way. I'm sorry."

All of a sudden, all the wishful thinking became empty feelings. I thought what he felt for me in the last few months was real. I guess I was wrong. Wrong about so many things. It took me awhile to realize this was just a phase to him. And I meant nothing more than a passing fling.

I realize now... that not only was I single... but I was also... alone.