As I sit in the office I ponder... "why do I try so hard to be friends with Ervin? " I laugh at myself. It's funny how I'm the one trying so hard when Ervin was the one who messed up. Ervin told me to not try so hard and let everything fall into place. And I ask myself... "why do I need to try?"
I guess it just seems that it's so easy for everyone else to obtain Ervin's friendship. I see Ervin making friends all the time. And as someone who, at least in my mind, was very close to Ervin at one point, I felt that I shouldn't have to compete with any stranger that want's to be friends with Ervin. Then why do I feel like I am competing?
To be honest I am just realizing this now as I type this entry on my blog, LOL. The reason why I felt like I am vying for Ervin's attention is because he pushed me away so far, and all these other people that I have not even heard of came rushing in and I felt like I was pushed to the back of the line. I guess it's normal to feel that way when you're bumped down to "friend" status. You become just like one of the guys but honestly, sometimes I don't even feel like one of the guys, LOL (no pun intended).
So once again, I ask myself... "why do I need to try?" The answer is I do not need to try. If Ervin does not see me for what I meant to him, if I'm just one of the regular joe's now then there's really nothing I can do about it. Ervin should be the one trying and since he's not, Ervin will miss me someday. And what better day to start, than today.
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someone's eyes are opening day by day. one step at a time.
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