WHY?!

LOUISVILLE, KY, US
07/11/2009 12:56 A.M. ARRIVAL

Why? Can someone please tell me why its in Louisville, KY?

FuZ Off Bitchez!

So it's been a while since I stepped onto the club scene. Lately my minds been haunted by the past. I mean I had no problem going clubbing back when I was single. And I dont think I should have a problem with it now. Just bad experiences with the whole club scene with someone I cared about keeps creeping back into my head now that Im with that person again. Should I let these memories keep me from hanging out with my friends? Or should I erase these memories along with the lessons I have learned. I find it a bit unfair that I am now burdened with these painful memories. I found myself stronger when I was on my own. And now that Im not... Im not so sure. There are times that I feel that love makes a person weak. Funny how a person can find strength in love and feel so vulnerable at the same time. I learned to draw my strength elsewhere. I hope I can find it... again. We'll see how this one goes...

P.S. I hate FuZ!

World Without Competitors

This is what happens when there are no competitors in the market. Prices go up. Bargains become rare. And newly released DVDs are up from $14.99 to $19.99. The items that are on sale are either overstocked items or things that people won't really buy anyway like Gigli or Glitter. They start advertising old products with their retail price (ex. Pokemon Platinum 34.99. Please just save the ink. Companies and specialty stores would think that consumers would buy from them just because they are the only place where they can buy these products and hope that it would spike up their profits but that is not the case. Due to our current economy, most consumers do not have the luxury of spending money on things they don't really need. They would rather spend money on food and clothing (although I tend to occasionally sacrifice both for a shiny new gadgetry). Yes you put up higher prices but your buyers will decrease, unless you put up really good services. Anyway I don't wanna keep yappin, I guess all I'm really trying to say is... YOU SUCK BEST BUY! Yes, you Best buy at 2909 Los Feliz Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90039. If you dont shape up you're gonna be following Circuit City in its demise and lose loyal customers, like me who'd like to spend trillions of my hard earned money at your store but can't because you either... hide the items on sale when they go on sale that week and put them up the next week after the sale... or because youre making me have to go to all these other stores, and gather up circulars just so I can price match (which by that time I'd rather not waste the energy and buy it at that store). UGH! I give you 2 thumbs down, 3 snaps in a circle with a twist at the end. BLAH YOU for not having my Advent Children Complete on Blu-Ray.

Fuck It

Fuz... I hate that word, ugh! I see people posting bulletins about it. It seems like it's never gonna go away no matter how hard I try to avoid it. So I'll say, just fuck it... and keep on moving.

I need some alone time.

Lies

I hate liars and people who hide the truth in fear of others thinking differently of them.

No Promises

I'd rather people not make me any promises than keep promising something and breaking them. With that said, I am letting go of everything I know and leaving everything behind. As good and understanding of a friend I am, I do not deserve to be yanked around especially when it comes to something as meaningful as a promise.

Too Much To Ask

No matter who's heart gets trampled on you will always find a way to go after what you want, or get something for free whether its wrong or whether its right. Whether its good or bad. Whether someone gets hurt or not. Trips to distant places. A night out at the musical. Or maybe even a concert with someone who fucked you over. You take advantage of who you have not what you have. I think from this perspective, I can see well enough the type of person you are deep inside. One who takes advantage of any opportunity to achieve an end, often with no regard for principles or consequences. Resourceful as some might say, but an opportunist nonetheless.

Over And Over

No matter what I do it seems like I can't escape the past that haunts me. The box of insecurities and distrust that you have opened before me keeps pulling me back. It's a small world, people talk, information gets passed across great distances and I learn more about you... time won't let it rest. I have to admit it still hurts, but what can I do but face the pain you inflicted. Don't worry this will not change the way I act around you.

I'm not angry. Just broken.

Family Ties

Annoyed. I hate it when family members make me feel guilty about trying to spend a little money on myself. Im not a selfish person, I dont ask for much. BUT DAMN! I would like to think I help my family out financially but apparently its not enough. I have other financial obligations now, I cant just keep giving them money whenever they want it. I have to make some cuts or change some thing. I keep telling them that I am saving money for a new computer in addition to paying my phone bills and rent and giving them allowances every two weeks. I get a cold slap in the face when they said I was selfish for not being able to take them out to dinner. I don't make much money but damn... I try my best to be the best supportive psuedo-son and I just cant get a break.

In Dreams

Why is it that dreams have a way of intensifying our emotions? I had a horrible dream about the ex and I woke up feeling angry. My toes hurt. I was told I was kicking in my sleep. I guess I still carry that anger and bitterness in my subconscious. It's no better that I'm awake either cause now I have to face the reality and carry those feelings I had in my dream with me. Argg!

- sent via iPhone

Residual Anger

I don't think I'm angry anymore about whats happened in the past. I guess what makes me angry is that his feelings changed for me. He says there are different levels of love. I don't think there are different levels of love. If you love someone you'd do almost anything for them whether they are your parents, sibblings, friends, or lovers. The priorities changes, but love never changes. Perhaps it was never love at all because love endures, not conquer all our hardships and obstacles. And his love didn't last through our problems. I'm pretty sure I'll get over this. If his love for me failed... I wonder how long my love for him will endure until it finally ceased.

Morally Bankrupt

Why do I keep intoxicating myself with someone so morally bankrupt?

"If he doesn't love you the way he should, then let it go." - Keyshia Cole

Day Two: Resentment

Today I am feeling the effects of alcohol poisoning from last night. After much crying and anger, I woke up today feeling numb. All I want to do is hate Ervin.

I hate what he did. I hate what he's doing. I hate that he's putting more effort when it comes to hanging out with new people. I hate that he can't stick around and see the damaged he's caused me. I hate the way everytime I ask Ervin something, he becomes secretive, like it doesn't matter anymore and everything he does is irrelevant to what we are. I never thought Ervin would mentally and emotionally fuck me over like that. Kristian told me that if he really cared, it would show and it doesn't. What has Ervin done to show that he was remorseful? What has Ervin done to show that he cared? All but empty words. I'm trying to look for answers and all I could think about is Ervin being too caught up with moving on, moving past it, having fun and meeting new people. People shouldn't just do their damage and leave. I hate Ervin for what he did knowing that I had gone through the same thing with Kristian. Ervin's love is conditional. You have to meet certain standards and you have to have certain qualities. If you suddenly stop measuring up, then Ervin will eventually take his love away and move on. Never again will I let my heart be fooled by people like Ervin.

Kristian told me that I'm having a hard time letting go because I'm putting Ervin's face on everything I desire and want. I never really thought of it that way. He told me to put Ervin's face on everything I hated. I need to place Ervin's face on everything I don't want and disliked. I'm always trying to see the good in people that I get blinded by the bad things.

I guess I just refuse to think of Ervin differently, because I know that Ervin is a good person. But would someone who truly cared and loved me be capable of such cruelty.

I hate that this world has become such a selfish place. Ervin's an example of what this world has become. Everyone is out for themselves. It's become a dog eat dog world.

What ever happened to the heroes? What ever happened to selfless people? What ever happened to commitment and loyalty? What ever happened to loving someone because of who they are rather than what they have? What ever happened to the people who we look up to?

I understand that people have flaws, and people make mistakes. Some people choose to give up and some people choose to fix their mistakes. Apparently, Ervin chose to bail out and honestly... why am I holding on to someone who would leave me broken?

Buy Me A Drank

Drinking til I dont feel anything anymore.

Day One: Anger

Failed. Good night world. Let me rest in peace.

Drunk as Fuck...

And high as the sky. I don't give a damn!! Fuck the world, love can't touch me. Fuck you! Yes you! Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. I'm rushin to die...

Attending UC Ervin

Courses offered at UC Ervin 2005 - 2008

Social Studies 101 - Be a "friend" (3 credits) *Prerequisite: Friend 101
Social Studies 102 - How to flirt with people ( 3 credits) *Prerequisite: Social Studies 101
Friend 101 - Anyone you meet is considered a friend (3 credits)
Love 101 - Find love in the club. (3 credits) *Prerequisite: Chubby 101 & Appearances 101
Love 102 - How to lose it in 3 months. (4 credits) *Prerequisite: Exes 301
Relationships 201 - Putting yourself first. (4 credits)
Exes 301 - What he doesn't know won't hurt him (4 credits)
Guilt 101 - How to distract and occupy yourself from guilt (4 credits)
Self-Esteem 301 - Build your self-esteem up and break it down (3 credits)
Appearances 201 - Shave your head and enlarge your rooster (3 credits) *pumps can be rented or purchased at the student store
Chubby 101 - Stuff your face fat (500 calories)

It's funny how these classes seem so familiar. I believe I took these courses at a Kristian School for Boys in Seattle, Washington. Funny how they both offered the same exact courses. I never thought that I'd have to retake these classes again. I had hoped I learned my lesson the first time around and passed it, lol. And I never thought that I'd be having to share my dorm with someone else. I knew I should have transferred elsewhere lol. *frown* =/

I hope they are offering better classes this year. LOL!