Love In The Club

Aww I loved last night. I saw all my friends that I havent seen in ages. I also met a couple of cute new ones. Yeay Mark! I danced the nite away with Don. He's shorter than me and A-dorable, LOL! He kinda molested me, haha. I also ran into Christy, of course she's always awesome and her boy Andrew. I ran into the San Diego kids, and some people from nor cal. Ran into Flo. The gaybors were there oh how I missed them. I officially met Edgar lol, sexy rawrrr. Haha - he got some spice. Jace was there hahaha, nuff said. Sthan n JayJulius was there. Jadan. Angelo. JR. I didnt get hit on by 50 -year olds this time. So much love in the club.

Too Much To Ask

No matter who's heart gets trampled on you will always find a way to go after what you want, or get something for free whether its wrong or whether its right. Whether its good or bad. Whether someone gets hurt or not. Trips to distant places. A night out at the musical. Or maybe even a concert with someone who fucked you over. You take advantage of who you have not what you have. I think from this perspective, I can see well enough the type of person you are deep inside. One who takes advantage of any opportunity to achieve an end, often with no regard for principles or consequences. Resourceful as some might say, but an opportunist nonetheless.

Over And Over

No matter what I do it seems like I can't escape the past that haunts me. The box of insecurities and distrust that you have opened before me keeps pulling me back. It's a small world, people talk, information gets passed across great distances and I learn more about you... time won't let it rest. I have to admit it still hurts, but what can I do but face the pain you inflicted. Don't worry this will not change the way I act around you.

I'm not angry. Just broken.

Cry

If anyone asks
Ill tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
Ill pretend that I dont hear them talk

Whenever I see you
Ill swallow my pride and bite my tongue
Pretend Im ok with it all
Act like theres nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?

If anyone asks
Ill tell them we just grew apart
And what do I care
If they believe me or not

Whenever I feel
Your memory is breaking my heart
Ill pretend Im okay with it all
Act like theres nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?

Im talking in circles
Im lying, they know it
Why wont this just all go away

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?

Family Ties

Annoyed. I hate it when family members make me feel guilty about trying to spend a little money on myself. Im not a selfish person, I dont ask for much. BUT DAMN! I would like to think I help my family out financially but apparently its not enough. I have other financial obligations now, I cant just keep giving them money whenever they want it. I have to make some cuts or change some thing. I keep telling them that I am saving money for a new computer in addition to paying my phone bills and rent and giving them allowances every two weeks. I get a cold slap in the face when they said I was selfish for not being able to take them out to dinner. I don't make much money but damn... I try my best to be the best supportive psuedo-son and I just cant get a break.

Already Gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high it
Never would've worked out right yet
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now
I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

- Kelly Clarkson

Better In Time

Does it really get better in time? It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. Sure I can try and surround myself with friends and distract myself with work. Busy myself with hobbies and tire myself to exhaustion. Beneath all of that is a broken heart trying to mask the pain inflicted by life's cruelty. So it doesn't necessarily gets better but we learn to live with and accept it.